Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
