Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
