You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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