Barsexuality is the new black.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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