we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
