Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
