Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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