I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
