I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
