How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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