So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
