I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
