Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
