ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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