dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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