I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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