jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
