Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
