just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
