The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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