He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
