nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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