Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?