She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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