i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So vagazzling was a success
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
