If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
