I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
