About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
