mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
