Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
