I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
