Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
