they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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