where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
