when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
