before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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