So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
