Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
