Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
