That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
