wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
