after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He better not be in your backpack
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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