Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
its liver damage thursday
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
