There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
