If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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