i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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