Nicole vs. Life
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
