At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
