you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
