don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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