This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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