He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I deserve this hangover.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
