You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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