I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
