People in love make me want to vomit
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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