I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
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I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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