I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
