Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You left your phone here
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