I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
