I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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