I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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