he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
