??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
