Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
