when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
