totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
