in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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