People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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