I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
