the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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