Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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