I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
