What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
