My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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