We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
