Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
