Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
