Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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