i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
