There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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