So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
