Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
