yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I supernannyed him into submission
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
